Elephants In The Room

A few months ago, I read an enormous transcript from a debate involving a band of hapless people-pleasing democrats so that I would remember why I hate voting. Today I provided the same service to the Republican Party.

Now, you might assume that I’m a conservative. I sort of am. I have voted in two presidential elections, and have voted once for a democrat and once for a republican. Which means, yes, I have voted for George W Bush once. It’s about the Supreme Court, I wasn’t going to vote at all last time, but that has a more lasting impact. So yes, as an environmentalist type, I did vote for Al Gore the first time around. Nevertheless, Bush is generally a harmless dunderhead, I’m not sure that the president has anything to do with anything.

Anyway, I did align somewhat better with the republican platform. And you can’t read those two transcripts without noticing tha the republicans do a much better job at answering the questions. I hate disingenuous politicians. Which is why I don’t want to vote.

Here were their grades:

1) Hunter: +2. Except I have no idea who he is.

2) Paul: +2. The man is a freaking revolutionary. I hope he runs as an independent. I want to throw my vote away for him as a political statement. Right now, I think there is only one mainstream candidate that I would vote for over Paul.

3) McCain: +1. Blah blah blah. Sorry Drew.

4) Thompson: +1. How stupid is the right for red-necks to bear arms? What a dumb ass issue. Take all those yo-yo’s guns. Thompson, while answering a question from some NRA nut rambled this statement, “that’s the protection people have against…” And that right there was the end of it. Three periods and everything. Protection against what Mr Thompson (I’d use his first name if I knew it)? The British? Black people? Tell it how it is Tommy, what exactly do we need all these guns for?

5) Guiliani: 0. He got the most vote volume, +2, -2. I like the idea of cutting spending for the sake of strengthening the dollar. I don’t like the idea of cutting government jobs. I’ve been telling everyone who will listen since I graduated: the government is high paid welfare for middle aged white people. What are all those useless people going to do if not clogging the arteries of our budget? Getting fat and having heart attacks, that’s what. But you can’t tell me you wouldn’t want RudyGu going to town against the terrorists. When I was growing up in NYC’s media outlet, it seemed like every week he was sending in riot police with tear gas and billy clubs to bust up some Dominican rally. The man is a skull cracker, he don’t take no gruff from nobody. But then he said that “Islam is a peaceful religion.” Bullcrap. It is not a peaceful religion – not when you follow what it says. Demerit.

6) Romney: +1. Blah blah blah. Sorry Utah.

7) Huckabee: +4. He’s clearly the best representative of the Christian ethos. Now, I am adamantly opposed to legislating morality, but I am even more opposed to legislating immorality. Huckabee believes what I do, and I don’t feel bad electing someone who thinks the same things that I do. I think that’s the point after all. At one point he said that Jesus wouldn’t be involved in politics, which is absolutely correct though often forgotten by the right wingers. Wait, which wing are the Republicans? Is it Right/Republican, Left/Liberal? Because that is easy to remember. Anyway, he later nailed the Biblical interpretation question (he is, after all, a minister), but Bible skillz are not necessarily a prerequisite for the oval office. Still, I’d rather someone had them than didn’t.

To handicap, I’d vote for Huckabee on the Republican ticket, Paul if he runs as an independent and someone other than Huckabee is the republican choice, and God knows who if neither of those options is available. I’ll write in Coach Saint maybe.

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