I had a strange thought walking into work this morning. Let’s be honest, it was more of a hobble. My left achilles is not doing well. I have a searing pain inside of it when I stretch. I feel it when I walk, it makes me short step. Needless to say, this is not good for my unofficial plan to train for a race in the fall. Let’s shelve that thought for a second.
On TV, sometimes people say things like “Why is this happening to me?” Me? I rarely say that. I can’t recall ever saying that. I more often wonder why other worse things aren’t happening to me instead of why moderately inconvenient things are. Listen folks, I’m a runner. It’s what I am. I was hobbling in to work this morning, and I was thinking about how sometimes older people get some bug in their ear and start thinking things like “hey, how about I try to run a 10K?” or maybe “hey, I’m out of shape, I should fix that.” I was wincing, walking, and then I thought…but I won’t be able to have that thought, at least not realistically, when I’m older. Even though that is what I am, a runner, by nature. And then, for the first time in my admittedly short recollection, I wondered to myself “Why is this happening to me?” Like I’m some kind of victim of some sort of injustice.
I know why it’s happening to me. It’s happening to me because I’m genetically predisposed to this sort of thing. It’s happening because I only did almost everything right when I was a runner and not everything right. It’s happening because I knew it was happening but made the choice to continue anyway because I’m stubborn and think at some almost conscious level that I’m invincible. So, that’s why it’s happening to me…but it doesn’t make it any more pleasant.
I still don’t regret it. I guess that’s probably next – never been a victim, owner of few regrets, I’ll probably be whining about that soon too.
Just a few nights ago, I was telling Jen about Sisyphus as we were lying in bed. Do other couples talk about Greek mythology as they fall asleep? How many times can I try to run again, only to tumble back to the beginning, wearied and beaten, but still, despite it all, defined by my need to push the damn rock up to the top of the damn mountain again.
Anyway, thought you might like a post.
Words 
People also say, “What did I do to deserve this?”
Not realizing that they are not actually getting what they deserve!
I’m no doctor BUT I have a little experience with this sort of thing. That searing pain is a tear along the side of the tendon. Swelling ensues and after about a month or two it feels better but a lump forms. (scar tissue). So you go out again and run just hard and long enough for it to happen again but in a slightly different spot. Yes you are a runner but as fate would have it you are a runner in spirit, a runner at heart. For you, running is an exciting memory and a pleasant daydream. Every now and then you can get away with going out and pushing yourself to near exhaustion. You’ll remember that exhilaration and you’ll think, maybe I can do this and start to train. Soon you will learn that maybe you can’t. But if you’re lucky like me, you’ll have children and if you’re really lucky they will learn what you know about running and they will desire it as you do and they’ll reach high and achieve. And if they are lucky, they will pass it on. It’s a good way to live. But now for you, maybe you would have been better off with a rupture.