I thought “I should get married, so that my cereal will always be fresh, consumed no more than 3 days after breaching the seal.”
But Jen gets home from the store and opens all the cereal boxes immediately. She places them on different sides of the house and skips between them, frolicking for staleness. Then she leaves them open in humid places like the bathroom, and they’re even soggier than before. I didn’t anticipate that my cereal boxes would be subjected to such stress.
Words 
It isn’t only cereal that gets abused…try bags of pretzels!
That is some hilarious imagery. Jen skipping around the house, absentmindedly grabbing handfuls of cereal out of randomly-placed boxes. Love it!
I amused myself with that image my whole way into work, actually. Probably false, but it doesn’t need to be true to be amusing.
It is true that we bought 3 boxes of cereal on Saturday, and by this morning every one of them had been opened however. I opened the first one on Sunday morning, and Jen opened the next two between in the next 20 hours after that.
I see nothing wrong with 3 open boxes of cereal. A.) Some people like to mix. B.) Some people like variety. C.) Your wife is one of my favorite people, and D.) She’s awesome, so back off. :)
Umm, I think C and D are too similar to warrant different letters. Perhaps you can have C.i and C.ii?