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Archive for the ‘Best Of’ Category

Winter 2007

In the winter of 2007, lots of stuff was happening. I was planning on going to graduate school, but then didn’t. I was doing some pretty hardcore training at the YMCA, getting back into shape after my first time in the boot – and I thought I was going to be a runner again, you know, for more than 7 months. I was living with Michael and Adam, though mostly writing about things that Michael did, not that Adam wasn’t funny too. I’m sure he was.

I’d say this was a pretty solid couple of months for me, lots of new hope, most eventually stamped out, but still, hope is cool while it lasts.

On January 14th, 2007, I reminisced on how Eggbert, the Incredible Egg used to freak me out.

On January 14th, 2007, it seemed evident that Jack Bauer should be enshrined on Mt Rushmore.

On January 21st, 2007, I thought that maybe I should proselytize people for Jesus as much as a do for Battlestar Galactica.

On January 23rd, 2007, Nancy Pelosi blinked 14 million times during the State of the Union.

On February 4th, 2007, Michael, Adam and I went on a trip to NYC.

On February 10th, 2007, I suggested that jackalopes were responsible for the death of large cattle populations. And they are.

On February 15th, 2007, the moonies failed in their mission to get me on their ship. Thanks a ton guys!

On February 17th, 2007, I told a handful of Michael stories.

On February 23rd, 2007, we went to Clemson, my father’s old stomping grounds, and got potato cannolis.

On February 28th, 2007, I told Penn St that I wasn’t going to graduate school there, putting me where I am today – in the same geographic area.

On March 7th, 2007, I pointed out that herpes medicine takes 12 seconds a pop to take.

On March 10th, 2007, I proclaimed my Grandmother to be immortal, which turned out to be premature.

On March 16th, 2007, Michael watched TV with us for a while – I really miss living with Michael.

On March 26th, 2007, boy scouts learned leadership skills to help with their leadership.

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Fall to 2006

I just spent the last few days updating the old best of posts, knowing that the links were now all broken. I am now over two years behind – whatever I’ve written is new to me!

That’s actually not true. I remember everything. But you could imagine why it might be true. It’s true in principle, though false in practice.

On October 1st, 2006, I was affirmed at the YMCA then shared mixed metaphors.

On October 15th, 2006, though the pictures are missing, the point remains – in the 1800s, a family in Lewisburg faced unspeakable tragedy. Over and over again.

On October 31st, 2006, the sunset struck me to the soul. Pictures from that day can be found here and elsewhere. I remember it well.

On November 3rd, 2006, I continued losing my justification by running.

On November 7th, 2006, I rocked the vote.

On November 9th, 2006, I speculate that our toilets could flush tube socks – good grief, that was funny. Why don’t I come up with stuff like that anymore?

On November 28th, 2006, I set out the prayer group scenario where the last guy is left to pray for himself. I ended up being that last guy a few months later. I said something like, “God, thank you for Eric, and what he brings to the group…” because you tend to say something like that whenever you pray at Bible study.

On December 24th, 2006, we have our last Grandma Christmas.

Slim pickings, or maybe just the mood.

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Summer 2006

I need something mindless to do. I need to bump the previous post off the top of the page. I need to read old stuff and get some perspective. So, without further ado, here’s the best of the summer of 2006!

On July 7th, 2006 I started to visualize people as comets of odor hurling through space/time – something that I do to this very day.

On July 11th, 2006, AT&T and Cingulair joined forces to deliver a brand new world to me.

On July 14th, 2006 I revealed that I’m not good at small talk, to the surprise of many.

On July 26th, 2006, I naively thought I’d be able to maintain my high mileage weeks, and talked about my weight fluctuations.

On July 30th, 2006, I almost died on a 20 something mile run due to dehydration.

On August 1st, 2006 I thought about leeches and vans with murals.

On August 6th, 2006, Adam, Michael and I went to SPEP for the first time, and almost weren’t allowed back.

On August 13th, 2006, I was done running already, and I had made the distinction between privileges and rights when it comes to controlling your car windows.

On September 1st, 2006, I described the process needed to kill a cricket.

On September 4th, 2006, I create a dance craze for white people.

On September 5th, 2006, I longed for the opportunity to be 8 years old again.

On September 25th, 2006, I wanted to tickle a coworker.

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Spring of 2006

The spring of 2006 was definitely decent – I didn’t link some posts that were worth reading again, and still ended up with a big list. In the end, while I was able to concoct something to do for tomorrow night, I have ended up trapped in a house that wreaks of polyurethane tonight. These summation posts take roughly 45 minutes, and, well, I guess that leaves about 2 more hours before I can convince myself it’s OK to just go to bed.

On April 1st, 2006, I had a semi-coherent conversation with the semi-coherent oft-intoxicated woman at the liquor store.

On April 12th, 2006, I went to work at 1 AM after flying in from the west coast, and then slowly went crazy in the lab.

On April 13th, 2006, I explain why the “love train” should be utterly terrifying. It makes no sense to me to this very day why that commercial is acceptable.

On April 16th, 2006, I explained what makes a church a Christian church. I actually have a sprawling document for my aborted website on this same topic. I’ve been meaning to link it. Maybe I’ll try that soon.

On May 9th, 2006, Kubemate Karl found a website on Cesium.

On May 11th, 2006, I had a dream that my father exaggerated the size of a mountain lion until it was the size of two cows.

On May 20th, 2006, I watch home videos with Grandma and discuss cremating my parents with them. If I ever write a book, it will be called “Ashes To The Winds” (or hopefully something much more clever), and will be the stories acquired as Stephen and I dump my mother’s ashes is bizarre places.

On May 22th, 2006, I documented the final two hours of 24.

On May 26th, 2006, I sprained my left ankle. Not that note-worthy, except that the left achilles acted up shortly thereafter. Also not note-worthy, until I tell you that I have excruciating pain in my left achilles whenever I run, now almost two years later.

On May 29th, 2006, I swear I wasn’t trying to look up Lauren’s skirt. I really wasn’t.

On June 10th, 2006, I ran, and you know what? I really really miss running.

On June 18th, 2006, I explain my father’s naps on Father’s Day.

On June 23rd, 2006, everyone should stop complaining about tasks are are really a lot easier than they make them out to be.

On June 26th, 2006, the achilles fell apart, but Adam and I came together over cup use.

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Doldrums

The beginning of 2006 was depressingly poor from a writing standpoint. It was also depressing to read about what good shape I was in then. That was my last real bread and butter year for running. I was crippled by August of that year.

On January 16, 2006, I dreamt that former roommate Matt Lautzenheifer bought a 200 lb fruit roll-up right when I was moving out.

On January 19, 2006, I explain the basic tenets of engineering.

On February 2, 2006, I decided to prank call my cubemate.

On February 6, 2006, Michael is allergic to the women of the Sci-Fi channel.

On February 9, 2006, my deaf grandmother teaches me how to eloquate.

On February 13, 2006, I decide to quote Jack Bauer in daily life. I’m going to need it this week.

On February 20, 2006, snow at the ocean was a backdrop for more theological rambling.

On February 27, 2006, I taught a pony a trick.

On March 2, 2006, I use “that’s p, as in ‘phone'”.

In March 2006, I dumped a ton of religious musings in a brief period of time. I laid the whole plan out here. [editor’s note: I didn’t date these, so I’m having a hard time finding the original intent. Here’s a bunch of links.]
On life after death

On something something something

On Calvinism

On our own pursuit of happiness

I answer some questions

On sin and reprobation

On the mistaken pentecostal understanding of tongues

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End of 2005

I have to wait before I do these, for posterity’s sake, you know. Anyway, November and December, in particular, were very productive writing times. They also corresponded to a time of both angst and stress. Now I’m just disillusioned – one writes better when acute drama accompanies said disillusionment.

You’ll find more of these compilations on the right side bar, incidentally.

On October 3rd, I summarized our trip to the Catskillz.

On October 12th, I wanted to ask an obvious question to my redundant math teacher.

On October 16th, I explained why it’s reasonable to take 17 showers in a week.

On October 20th, I wrote an open letter to the owner of a dog that barked a lot. An awful lot.

On October 29th, I lifted a 500 lb slab of concrete because I’m strong.

On November 7th, I explained how I don’t like leaving pens and their metaphorical brethren behind.

On November 14th, I explained the unspoken languages one can use while driving in his car.

On November 18th, I almost went insane again, and mistakenly succumbed to the human tendency to think that “now” is more deviant from normal in the big scheme of things than it really is. I also related the two most hilarious events of my senior year in high school.

On November 21st, I kept a running diary on Advanced Word training. Every time I read my old stuff I always decide that I was more clever in the past than I am now. Maybe that’s how old people convince themselves that Bob Cousy and friends could beat Kobe and LeBron in basketball. You’ll have to manually go to the first 4 parts, sorry.

Actually November was pretty good in general. Why? Stress and angst, angst and stress. Ahh, what I wouldn’t give for some well placed angst.

On December 5th, I wondered why it takes quadriplegic movie extras so long to put on makeup. Actually, the 5th od December was a good day all around, the other two posts are readable as well.

On December 24th, for some reason I discussed the the traffic rules at the corner of Erie and Murray.

On December 24th, later in the day, I collected the Grandma quote haul for the year. I was actually laughing out loud just rereading it. Oh man, hilarious. I have no idea what we’ll do for Christmas Eve this year.

On December 28th, I revealed what I think about while running.

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It’s Best_of Time!

A few months ago, after revolutionizing the display of this website, I began the spasmodic output of “best_of” posts, cataloging clever things from my past. The reasoning was two fold. First, I wasn’t planning on writing as often. I haven’t, though it’s probably only about a 25% reduction. Second, I wasn’t writing anything worthwhile, planting in me the desire to display the fruit of more bountiful times in such a way as to allow for easy plucking. That trend has continued, so says I.

I stopped because the posts were becoming too familiar – I remember most of what I write, and when I’m within a year, I remember them too vividly to amuse me. It’s more enjoyable to read someone else’s writing than your own, but when your own writing becomes sufficiently dated it seems like someone else’s. I just came up with an awesome analogy, but it would be about 30% more tasteless than anything else I’ve written, which is saying something.

Without further ado, here are the months of July 2005 to September 2005, inclusive.

On 7/4/2005, I learned that hot dogs caused cancer and decided that I didn’t care.

On 7/11/2005, I postulated that cops preferentially pull over attractive girls and black people.

On 7/17/2005, Matt, Michael and I brought in the waiter from Hunan Manor as our 4th roommate. I also correlated girls tolerance of beer to their likability, discussed the prevalence of xylophones in Christian music, and chided the pre-planned emotionally engineered prayer sessions popular in evangelicalism.

On 7/21/2005, I explained that reverse is inappropriate for highway driving.

On 7/23/2005, I played a game of make believe with a rich guy, then saw “The Unexceptional Four.”

On 8/15/2005, I discussed the ties that bind, which makes the cut because it’s long, yet still in list format.

On 8/21/2005, Michael decides that it’s only fitting that women should give birth, because men have to shave all their lives.

On 9/1/2005, I pissed people off about personal culpability when it comes to hurricanes.

On 9/7/2005, I began my last class, which was mind numbing and atrociously boring.

On 9/11/2005, I explain how one must use his rational arguments consistently, or not at all.

On 9/16/2005, I discussed various ways for me to die ironically.

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