Here are several random items, none of which are in any way embellished or interesting:
I went to an indoor track meet last night, and witnessed the Middletown boy’s team rolling up in generic speed suits. They were blue and white with no indication of to what team they belonged. They were also against regulation, so the coaches were forced to find shorts for the kids while the rest of the teams waited on the line. After this was taken care of, I got a chance to watch their 130 lbs leadoff in a speed suit run a 4:15 1200 leg. BLAZING.
One of my cats, Shadow, is in the midst of a fourth day long marathon of spending more than 75% of the entire day sleeping on my father’s chair at the dinner table.
My father “nearly broke [his] tooth” after landing on Baltic in our family game of Monopoly. It was, in general, a game of ridiculous statistical anomalies. First off, we went around the board about 30 times each (really) for the 4 of us without hitting Baltic. After thinking that he hit Baltic (after about 25 times around for himself), he got so excited he almost shattered his molars, according to him. He, however, miscounted and had to pay the income tax instead.
This led to his story about the time a few weeks ago when he actually did break his tooth. Nicole W****, known for her whining about various things, needed her calf taped before the state federation meet this season in cross country. So my father, being the coach, taped her. However, about a minute before the gun was to go off, she decided she’d rather it wasn’t taped. Instead of peeling the tape off, she tried to roll it down, making it look like jewerly of some sort on her leg. With the official’s eye trained upon the possible infraction, my father frantically tried to pull the tape ring from her leg as the time ticked away before the race. With mere seconds left, and his 2nd girl on the verge of disqualification (NY officials are nazis), he resorted to gnawing the tape off, breaking his tooth. My brother and I were, once more, histerically laughing.
This followed my mother’s decision at dinner to buy the paper boy a steering wheel cover. A steering wheel cover?!? The logic went that she bought him a tape for his car two years ago (she knew he had a tape player because she always heard music when he delivered the paper, and never commericials…who thinks about that crap at 4:30 AM??), and gloves last year, so a steering wheel cover would be appropriate this year. We, of course, found this absolutely absurd and made that fact known. In the end, we convinced her to buy him fruit.
We play speed monopoly at my house, running 8-12 turns a minute, which forces monetary transactions to take place during others’ turns. However, as we tried in vain to land on Baltic, a few things were nearly certain, despite the odds against them. First, if someone landed on a utility, a 9 would be rolled, leading to a $36 payment. I would say that something like 11 of the 15 times a utility was hit, a $36 bill resulted. Also, in my approximately 30 times around Go, I landed on North Carolina around 20 times, leading to 20 renditions of “North CAR-O-LINA, take your shirt off, [something] around your head like a helicopter.” The shirt was only removed and swung around my head (like a helicopter) when I first purchased it. My parents had no idea what was going on. For those of you who are also clueless, it has something to do with some cheesy rap song.
When Baltic was finally purchased, each player had at least $4000 dollars from Go, cards (community chest and chance), and jackpots built up. Due to my intimidating prescence on the trading floor, I was able to secure the red and green to go with my $4000 dollars. After some early risks, and several hits on Boardwalk at inopportune times, I was finally able to right the ship and plow through my brother and father, collecting their property before turning to my exceedingly weathy mother and draining her of about $2500 per time around. In the end, I had $21,064, a reasonable collection, yet still about a third of my personal debt in reality. Unfortunately, the money was not legal tender, and therefore was returned to the “bank”.
It’s the first time I’ve won in the last 8 or 10 tries.
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